Why do so many people freeze up when someone is in trouble?

Charlotte: Part of it is stigma — both the stigma around struggling and the stigma around asking for help. People worry about overstepping or don't know where to send someone. There's also a perception that support services are hard to navigate. In reality, there is more help available than most people realize, and it's more accessible than they think.

What's the most important thing a friend can do?

Chris: Show up. In person. Get off the phone, get off the screen, and be there.

Meeting for coffee, going for a walk — that's 90% of it right there. People overthink this. They think they need special skills or training, that they need to be something they're not. But what someone in crisis usually needs most is to feel less alone, and presence does that.

And here's the other part: Just listen. Don't try to fix it.

What does "don’t fix it" actually look like?

Chris: It means letting them talk. Don’t jump in with solutions or steer the conversation. Even with good intentions, that can send the message: Stop talking because this is uncomfortable for me. And then people shut down.

Some of my best conversations happened in my car. No desk. No office. No power dynamic. Just two people going somewhere. And I learned to wait. You let them unload. You sit with it. Almost always, they'll eventually say, "Okay, so what do you think I should do?" That's your moment. That's when you move forward. But you can't rush it.

People who've been through real hardship have a finely tuned sense for who's genuine. If you show up distracted, or just to check a box, they'll know. You have to mean it.

When someone is ready for help, where do you start?

Charlotte: You don't have to know the answer before you make a call — and neither does the person who's struggling. We hear from people all the time who aren't sure where to turn: a sibling calling from out of state, a spouse who knows something is wrong but doesn't know what comes next. Making that call takes courage. No matter where it lands, the goal is the same: Point people in the right direction.

For most situations, start with 211. It's a free, 24/7 helpline available across Vermont and New York — by phone, text or online. It connects people to resources for mental health, substance use, housing, elder care and more.

If the situation feels urgent, but not immediately dangerous, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Mental Health Urgent Care is a walk-in option at 1 South Prospect Street in Burlington. It’s open 9 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday. No appointment or referral needed. After hours, call 988.

The resource grid below walks through common scenarios and where to start. Call wherever feels most comfortable. If it's not the right fit, the person who picks up will help you find who is.

Are there warning signs to take especially seriously?

Charlotte: Some of the most concerning signs are the ones people explain away. For example: Someone who has been very low suddenly seems calm, even relieved — that shift can actually be a serious warning sign, not an improvement. Saying goodbye to people in ways that feel final or giving away meaningful belongings are others. Withdrawal from people they love, increased alcohol or drug use, or statements about feeling like a burden should always be taken seriously.

Take all warning signs seriously. Trust your instincts. You don't need certainty to reach out. If something feels off, say something or do something. If someone says, "I don't want to be here anymore" or "Everyone would be better off without me," the right move is to talk to them directly, or call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. It's free, confidential and available around the clock. If you think someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

Any final thoughts for someone reading this who’s not sure whether to reach out?

Chris: Reach out. If you can, do it in person.

Meet them somewhere. Sit with them. You don't have to have answers. Showing up — caring enough to be there — matters more than you know.

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, call or text 988 to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Additional resources are available at SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources. If you are grieving a loss, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention offers support.