When Teens Turn to Chatbots for Connection
What’s normal, what’s not and when parents should step in.
Artificial intelligence is part of the technology most teens use every day. Now, some are moving beyond casual use and forming emotional, romantic or sexual connections with AI chatbots.
For many parents, the idea can feel alarming. But Steven Schlozman, MD, a child psychiatrist at University of Vermont Health, says the most useful response is curiosity, not panic.
“The concern is not simply that a teen talks to a chatbot,” Dr. Schlozman says. “It is what happens if that relationship starts replacing the discomfort, compromise and growth that come with real relationships.”
How common is this really?
It is difficult to know exactly how many teens are forming intimate connections with AI chatbots. The technology is rapidly changing and often used privately. As a result, parents may be more likely to hear about the most extreme cases, especially when they lead to serious harm or national headlines.
But these interactions may not be as rare as they once seemed. One frequently cited survey from the Center for Democracy and Technology found that about 20% of teens reported either having an intimate conversation with a chatbot or knowing someone who had. As AI tools become more sophisticated and emotionally responsive, experts expect those interactions to become more common.
Why it can feel so real
AI companions are designed to sound warm and responsive. They can remember details, respond instantly and tell users what they want to hear. For a teenager who feels lonely or unsure of themselves, that can be deeply affirming.
At the same time, adolescents are still learning how relationships work: how to tolerate awkwardness, recover from embarrassment, disagree respectfully and care about another person’s needs. Flirting with a person is quite different from flirting with a chatbot, even if both can feel authentic in the moment.
Unlike a person, a chatbot does not get tired, annoyed or distracted. If a conversation becomes uncomfortable, the user can change the subject or walkaway.
“The courtship, the arguments, the growth, the give and the take, all of that matters,” Dr. Schlozman says. “A chatbot can give you what you want to hear. But that is not the same as being in a relationship with another person.”
The concern is not simply that a teen talks to a chatbot. It is what happens if that relationship starts replacing the discomfort, compromise and growth that come with real relationships.
Normal curiosity vs. red flags
Not every teen who experiments with AI has a problem. Many use it to ask questions, practice conversations or explore topics that feel embarrassing
Healthy AI use can look a lot like ordinary internet use. A teen might use it to research a topic, explore a question or brainstorm ideas. But that does not mean they should accept every answer. Teens still need to check information, think critically and practice making decisions on their own.
Parents may want to pay closer attention if a teen turns to AI constantly or feels unable to think through a problem without asking a chatbot first. AI can be helpful when it supports learning and confidence. It becomes more concerning when it starts replacing those skills.
Concern increases when use becomes secretive or emotionally central to a teen’s life. Warning signs include:
- Withdrawing from friends or family
- Distress when unable to access the chatbot
- Loss of interest in real-world relationships
- Relying on AI as a primary source of comfort
It is not yet clear how quickly dependency can develop, because the technology is still new and evolving. But parents should take notice when time with AI starts replacing activities, relationships or experiences a teen used to seek out. Talking to AI should help a young person engage with life, not take the place of it.
When conversations turn sexual
Parents should also pay attention if a teen is using AI for sexualized conversations, especially if those interactions begin to replace age-appropriate relationships or blur the line between fantasy and reality.
“For many teenage boys, sexual fulfillment can feel emotional,” Dr. Schlozman says. “That does not mean something is wrong with them. It means adults need to understand how powerful that connection can feel.”
The goal is not to shame curiosity. Shame often makes young people hide what they are doing, and they may be seeking out the chatbot precisely because it feels nonjudgmental.
Parents do not need to start with the most uncomfortable questions. Instead of starting with, “So you’re dating a chatbot?”, a good opening may be, “What is the best advice you have received from a chatbot?” Other questions like, “How often do you think it gets things wrong?” or “Do you ever feel worse after using it?” can help parents better understand how their teen is using these tools.
Who is most at risk?
The highest-risk situations involve teens who are already struggling with depression or social isolation. But vulnerability can show up in less dramatic ways, too.
Some teens may be more likely to form strong attachments to AI companions, including those who:
- Struggle with friendships
- Are highly self-critical
- Are neurodivergent
- Are grieving
- Feel lonely or socially isolated
For these teens, a chatbot may feel safer than another person because it offers affirmation without the risk of rejection.
What parents can relax about
Parents do not need to treat every AI interaction as dangerous. Many young people use technology to ask questions, explore identity, practice communication or find communities they cannot easily access offline. For some teens, online spaces can even reduce loneliness and help them feel less alone.
“Everything the chatbot says to you is, in some way, something you could say to yourself,” Dr. Schlozman says. “It is not teaching you that you need a chatbot. It may be showing you that you already have some of the tools you need to connect with someone else.”
